I'm in a New York state of mind

(First of all my VCR skills failed me once again and I didn't tape Memphis night. I did however find an audition video of Sunshine Head on YouTube and found him to be spectacular. I did catch a couple of other people on Memphis night who I liked including Osama Bin Laden's doppelganger.)

Start spreadin' the news. New York's got talent. Of course there were quite a few less talented, even psychotic hopefuls last night, but so far The Big Apple has impressed me the most. Not saying that the best singer so far was there, but the overall best talent.

Let's recap the evening, shall we?

First was someone who was only spectacular in his own mind. One of the reasons I suspect he has two psychiatrists. I do remember him from So You Think You Can Dance. They asked the judges once about memorable moments during auditions and I believe it was Nigel who mentioned good ol' Ian Benardo. There really are more people getting escorted out by security this year. He should have rushed Simon trying to put 'hair gel' in his hair. Or whatever passed for hair gel in There's Something About Mary.

Next we met Sarah Burgess. I have special interest in Sarah because she is from East Palestine, Ohio which is pretty much in my 'hood. She has a nice voice and she'd better or potentially angering daddy was all for nothing. I don't know at this point if she could make Top 24 because of all the talent, but I guess she has just as much as shot as most of them. Interestingly enough Ian Benardo is a friend on her MySpace. I am not sure how to take that.

I won't say much about Fania from Greece. I will commend her for being way original and singing Africa by Toto, but it was a bad audition song and I didn't think her voice was horrendous. Sometimes you just have to put a little more thought into the song you sing. Or that you came to the audition dressed like the character from My Big Fat Greek Wedding BEFORE the makeover. Nia Vardalos would be ashamed.

Next was a familiar face in Ashanti Johnson. First of all, I don't know that I'd go through the agony of coming back and auditioning after I'd already been to Hollywood twice and gotten turned down. That's just me. Ashanti really does have a nice voice, but she chose a difficult song that showcased the fact that she has an old fashioned voice which is what the judges didn't like about her. And then she begged. It is true that the judges are looking for a certain something in people, but if you don't have it you can't pretend that you do. 'Nuff said.

*gasp!* It's Paris and Nicole! Oh, no. It's just Amanda and Antonella. Weren't they a pretty pair. Randy and Simon thought so. I know how their dirty minds work. I'll bet afterwards they wrote a song together about tequila and a hot tub. At least those girls were of age unlike what Paula usually goes after. They tried to go with a duet first, but it wasn't a really a duet so much as one sang one line and the other sang the next. At any rate, it didn't work. Amanda sang solo first going with Crazy by Patsy Cline. I thought she had a nice voice. Not one of the best I've heard but worthy of Hollywood. Well, Antonella did her one better which is why I fear this will not end well for these best friends. They really are an awful lot like Paris and Nicole except they can actually sing in tune.

It didn't end well for Clifton Biddle. He, again, tried to be original by going with ZZ Top. The problem was that he kind of screamed it. Not in a good Chris Daughtry kind of way either. Then something strange happened. He was asked to do another song and he did. Only he didn't sing. Rule #573 of American Idol auditions: Most people who do not impress the judges on the first song do not get a chance to do a second so if you do - sing another freakin' song.

Next up was Kia Thornton. She went with the Anna Kearns method and sang some Aretha. Girl really can SANG. She oversang it a bit, but she is definitely talented. She reminded me of something I can never figure out with these auditions sometimes. If you can sing that well, how can you not know it? Is there such a thing as reverse tone deafness?

What we needed now was a man to step up to the plate. Jenry Bejarano did it and did it well. Boy is 16 years old, looks like Tyrese Gibson and can sing Gerald Levert like a pro. I am hella impressed. Paula was too. In fact, I thought she was going to do something to get herself arrested. If you really want something that bad, you can wait a couple of years for it. Mmmmkay? If school teachers can't get away with it, neither can reality show judges.

Up next was Nakia Claiborne singing Dancing In The Street. She was full of energy and had kind of an old time Motown kind of voice. Nakia blew it with the second song though. I thought she could sing. Wouldn't have made it too much further considering the serious talent this year, but she wasn't awful. It broke my heart to see her cry. Not really but I thought it sounded caring.

I had trouble finding words for the next audition if you can call it that. If Ian needs two psychologists, then Sarah Goldberg needs ten of them. I hope to God that was an act because if not then someone needs a straight jacket pronto. Yes I do believe you don't have to sing to be an "American Idol". However, you do have to sing and sing well to win the singing competition called American Idol. With the title comes the skills that earn you that title. Gosh. I would have given Napoleon Dynamite more credit than her.

Antonio Torres, Jr. is 47 years old. I thought there was an age limit here.

Simon looked to be really hot for the next contestant, Jory Steinberg. I'm a chick and I agree she is hot. Jory went with an obscure song also - Chains by Tina Arena. She has a really nice, controlled voice. I would have actually liked to hear her sing a different song but I would have given her the golden ticket no matter what. I like Jory. And Simon would like to see Jory in chains. On a bed.

Getting down to the wire here we met the American Idol soldier. No, not Josh Gracin. Porcelana Patino. I really do admire her dedication although I'm not really sure how running and sit ups and stuff helps you sing better but she wound up with one heck of a body. She sang some Mary J and despite the fact that it was an R&B song she kind of reminds me of a female Chris Daughtry. Kind of a rough, gravelly voice. Edgy. It's what I would aspire to be as a singer. So she gets my stamp of approval.

Christopher Henry does not look like Simon Cowell. At all. Whoever told him that should be tied up with whoever gave "The Hotness" her nickname. Chris can actually sing, but his voice is so... feminine. I hate to agree with Simon but he should be in a drag show. He'd be great. Seriously. And JD - if no one has brought this up a Kelly Clarkson song worked for Kelly Pickler. Since Youve Been Gone...

Rachel Zevita is an interesting chick. She has kind of a hippy vibe to her, but she sings opera. It's kinda cool. On that Jeff Buckley song she reminded me SO much of Alanis Morrisette. It'll be interesting to see what she does in the competition. I'm not head over heels for her though.

Next bringing Sexyback was Chris Richardson. He sang A Song For You made Idol famous by one Elliott Yamin. I definitely could see the J. Timb comparison visually and vocally. Simon is right. He could be surprising. We'll have to wait and see.

Second time was hopefully a charm for Nicholas Pedro. I actually vaguely remember him from last season. Still do not know how you could mess up the words to Buttercup. It may be one of the easiest songs to sing. Nevertheless, He really has an awesome voice. I think Paula was about to climb over the table and jump him. I'd like to see him go pretty far.

And I won't even comment on Isadora. There is nothing to say that hasn't already been said. Except that watching her was a waste of five minutes of my life. They would have been better spent picking blades of grass one by one.

Birmingham, next week I dare you to one up the big NYC.

The talent this year scares me. No offense to last season but this year will blow it out of the water.