Dr. Hottie's Reality Checkup

Welcome to my world. Expect very real opinions (laden with sarcastic and off color humor) about the great invention that is reality television. This blog may occasionally stray off topic, but its for the best really.

Thursday, January 18, 2007

SEATTLE GRUNGE - LITERALLY

So its recap time again. Idol travels back to Seattle, a city where they should apparently have never gone back to. (YOU WILL NOTICE THAT THIS RECAP IS A TEENSY BIT DIFFERENT THAN THE ONE ON THE IDOL BOARDS. THIS ONE IS UNCENSORED. HEHEHE)

I promise you once we get down to the Top 24 or so the gloves WILL come off.

To prove the theory true that Idol should have never returned to this city, Brandon from good ol' West Virginia made a special guest appearance. I guess it wasn't the city of Seattle's fault that he traveled all the way there clad in an Uncle Sam outfit or that he sang God Bless America worse than he sang I Shot The Sheriff. He may have sung them equally bad actually, but the main point is that it is Brandon's fault and his fault alone. I forgive you Seattle.

Next we had Jennifer aka "the hotness". The person who gave her that nickname and the person who told her she sang like Mariah Carey should be tied up and forced to listen to William Hung's CD for 48 hours straight. And then possibly be shot. I thought Simon was a bit mean when he told her she could stick her gum on Taylor Hicks' face. Mean to Taylor. Jennifer's high notes were painful and it was not a good audition song even if she could sing. She could have sang 'Promiscuous Girl' and at least then it would have been funny.

It was Amy the mom's turn to audition. I'm not being rude, but didn't something about her remind you of Jabba The Hut? Seriously. She went with Christina Aguilera which, honestly, unless you are an unbelievable singer you should never sing one of her songs to audition for Idol. Amy asked for water. Unfortunately it was not magical water. If it was magical water it would have stolen Xtina's voice and given it to Amy and would have also made her a Size 2.

Then there was Misha. I don't even know what to say about her or her mom for that matter. No one can seriously sing "Don't Cha" at an Idol audition. You'd have to be joking to do that. Well, Misha wasn't joking but it did make for one of the funniest auditions ever. Funny and scary. More scary than funny come to think of it.

Finally, the light came on. It was Tommy Daniels who flipped the switch. He was so good that I found it hard to believe he'd been passed on by Idol twice before. The judges even loved his dog. Tommy could make Top 24.

Back downhill we went with Melissa Stavros. Was it just me or were her arms too big for her body? Not being cruel. They just were. She also chose to sing a Christina song. Please hit me for saying this, but a few of the notes in there weren't bad. If she had chosen something less daring to sing, it could have been alright. Definitely not the next American Idol, but alright. Of course, she'd have to do some major work on the image too. They bringing The Swan back?

Next was Blake who I felt was the best guy in Seattle. They've had beatbox type guys on the show before, but I don't think any of them could sing. If I could compare Blake to anyone I think he sounds a lot like the lead singer of Maroon 5. That's a heck of a compliment. At first I thought Justin Timberlake, but really more Maroon 5.

Short note about David Mills from Kansas. He sang Lean On Me. It was bad.

Then we found a couple of siblings who could sing. Shyamali and Sanjaya found themselves facing the judges. Sister sang Summertime and sang it well. As Paula said, really subtle but definitely good enough for Hollywood. Her brother was next with some Stevie Wonder and was awesome. Since he's young I think they'll really push for him to make Top 24.

Someone who will not be making the Top 24,000 even was Nick Zitzmann. I love to see someone butcher Unchained Melody just for Simon's reaction. Everyone knows that's his favorite song, so I'm quite sure it bothered him. I could have sung that better. Mili Vanilli could have sung that better.

Back to some goodness with Rudy, originally from Venezuela. He sang Journey which struck a chord with Randy. I think he was pretty good. Simon seemed to not like him at all which I didn't get. Rudy was good though. Sad thing is some day he's going to turn into a hobbit and befriend Frodo Baggins.

Not so much good were Kenneth and Jonathan. They did have a lot in common. They couldn't sing. Simon, Paula and Randy all agreed on that. Who says a really weird looking Oompa Loompa and Augustus Gloop can't be best friends?

And now the man that inspired the title of this recap - Eric the hairdresser. First of all, I would never let that man cut my hair. Second of all, he is no Taylor Hicks. Taylor could probably sue him for defamation of character. The singing was basically drunk karaoke. Pretty much. Simon even thought so. Was he the first person that had to get escorted out by security? Who knows what was in that container. Could have been hair gel, could have been... something else.

Next was the very tall Anna. Like, really tall. With a big girl came a big voice. She does sound an awful lot like Aretha so its fitting she sang Respect. I would have liked her to sing something a little more low key cause she was loud, but I liked her. She's young too.

Another bright spot was Jordin. Sixteen years old and a really powerful voice. Where many butcher the high notes she was perfect on them. There's a good chance we'll see her in the Top 24.

Last up was, well, I'm really not sure what he was, but his name was Steven. Ryan Seacrest couldn't have said it better. It was Bohemian Crapsody. I don't know how he could have thought it was good or that anyone could coach him to do better. *shakes head* Honestly I'd watch my back if I were Simon because that man may be a serial killer. He was a Queen killer - I know that much. That made me take back everything I said about Kellie Pickler's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.

Well, on to Memphis next week so hopefully Elvis will leave the building and we'll find some great voices! Or tone deaf people who think they have great voices.

Until next times guys and dolls.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Interesting to know.

11:12 PM  

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